Life is so mysterious, unpredictable that you can’t imagine what may happen in next few seconds, what to think about planning your rest of life. It has been the same for me. I grew up in a city called Chandigarh a very beautiful well planned city. My parents are both working so after school it was just me and my brother who used to stay at home, do our homework, and then fight with each other. Like most of brothers my bro also liked to tease me alot.... (He still does...), while I was a kid I never thought of what would I become when I will grow up as a person.. yeah certainly thought of becoming a doctor like many other children do but it is very rare that you get what you desire.
Why is it that most of the times we don’t get what we want in our lives? This question has been bothering me from some time. I heard somewhere that when you desire something from within your heart then the whole universe conspires to make you achieve what you desire, but i have never found this miracle to happen in my life. I desired something in my life which would have made me the happiest girl on this earth but my luck turned it the other way round.
Many people come in your life as guest, they come and make you feel that they will stay there for you forever and when you are sure that yes he /she will be there for you, you are relaxed, happy and want to remain like that then suddenly something undesirable happens and that person disappears from your life without even saying a good bye and you can’t do anything except to stand and watch while letting them walk away from your life.
There deep inside me lies an emptiness, a kind of fear to talk to people to avoid what happened before, to protect myself from facing the same situation, same humiliation, the situation when I wanted to cry out loud but I could not, when I was right but someone else misinterpreted me, when I never wanted to let that person leave me behind but I had no choice and live with a heavy heart for rest of my life.
The emptiness has resided in me and has made me mundane, I don’t feel like talking to people, to go out with them, the zeal to live life with enthusiasm and curiosity to unfold the remaining leaves of the book labelled as ‘my life’ has died. I sometimes just want myself to get disappear from this illusionary unpredictable world and want to enclose myself in a dark tunnel where no one can find me and where I will have no worries and can rest in peace.